Lowell stands in the middle of a circle of Mexican slaves. It’s sometime around midnight, and a bonfire has been lit. Lowell is regaling his workers with (fictional) tales of his great jungle adventures, though none of them understand a lick of English, and thus sit with blank stares on their faces.

“And then the great tiger known as TIGERDRIVER stepped to me, so I balled up my mighty fist and thrust it into his eye, and TIGERDRIVER yelped and fell over dead! Then I took out my knife and stuck it in TIGERDRIVER’s bum and proceeded to open him up, until his guts spilt out, and then I picked up his guts and let them hang over my shoulders as I marched around to the beat of Nunez’s street beats! And THAT, my lowly peasants, is how I overcame the evil and menacing TIGERDRIVER!”

A smattering of applause, forced at gunpoint, follows, as Lowell fires an AK-47 skyward.

“And now the comedic stylings of NUNEZ! Give it up for Nunez, everybody!”

Lowell moves off to the side, in effect giving the reluctant Jayson Nunez the “floor.”

Nunez stands there, not really sure what to say.

“Uh… So, m’name’s Nunez. I run shit `round here. I make sure nunna’ you fuckers mutiny n’ shit. Any y’all muthafuckas try’n run game on Nunez, y’all gon’ get played, `cause I don’t givah fuck. I’m a do-dirt kinda muh’fucka, muh’fucka, y’feel’meh? And I ain’t afraid to get deez hands dirty – Lord knows dey been dirty before. So don’t fuck wit me.”

“QUICK! TELL THE AIRLINE JOKE I TOLD YOU! YOU’RE LOSING THEM!” shouts Lowell from off to the side.

Nunez rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Low’, ya goofy bastard.”

“OH SHIT, NUNEZ IS SHOOTIN’! HE’S CUTTIN’ ME UP! HE’S TURNIN’ ON THE AUDIENCE! SWURVE~! HEEL TURN!” screams Lowell, high as a kite on God-knows-what (heroin, cleaning supplies, malaria, etc.), before running and jumping over the bonfire, catching his paper shoes on fire in the process. “OH NOES MY FEET!”

As Lowell runs around in a panic, his feet ablaze, screeching and hollering, the gathering of Mexican slaves erupts in laughter.

“THIS ISN’T FUNNY! NUNEY, FETCH ME SOME WATER!”

Nunez shrugs and walks away toward the complex.

“Fuck dat, I’m goin’ ta’ bed. Night, suckas.”

• View Lowell's Biography